Maternity Leave Delusions and Summer Proclamation

Baby Henry is due in four weeks. These days I'm not sleeping so well. I'm tired, but I never get comfortable enough to get really good sleep. Instead of counting sheep, I ponder what my summer on maternity leave might be like. I haven't had a whole summer without work or school since 1996, and even then I was working pretty hard at having fun - my definition of "fun" was working very long, hot days at the barn and preparing my horse for the show circuit.

My plan is to take a full 12 weeks off for maternity leave, as allowed by law. Of course, that time is mostly unpaid because I don't have much paid personal leave saved up. Endless doctor appointments and surgery for infertility issues will do that to you. The double-whammy is that all that surgery and testing wasn't covered by health insurance so our savings account was totally drained by medical bills before I even got pregnant. Whatever. I'm sure it will all work out. We'll just be poor for the summer. And even poorer when we have to start paying for childcare in August when I go back to work. On top of that, I'm a little worried that I might lose my mind. I don't think I'll do well with sleep deprivation and being trapped in the house all day with a tiny helpless stranger and leaky boobs that smell like the cottage cheese production room on the Prairie Farms Dairy factory tour. At the same time, I'm terrified that I might like staying at home so much that I won't want to go back to work. Sigh. This is what rolls around in my head when I'm not sleeping. I must make it stop or I'll never make it through this last month of waiting!

Lately I've forced myself to start envisioning a lovely summer at home with a healthy angelic baby, a helpful husband, good books, sunshine without humidity, bigger boobs, a rapidly shrinking belly and a nice tan. There will be long strolls with Henry to get ice cream in a handmade waffle cone on Main Street. There will be breezy afternoons on a picnic blanket, reading library books while Henry naps in the shade. We will go to the art museum to soak up art and free air conditioning on really hot days. Henry will nap in his stroller when I take him to the botanical garden to sketch or do quick watercolor paintings. We'll have a little baby pool in the back yard for Henry to splash around in, and for me to cool off while tanning my pasty flab. When I have a project to post on this blog, we'll stroll down to the Bread Company and mooch some free Wi-Fi. While I'm on Main Street I'll pop in to Ben Franklin to pick up any sewing notions I might need for the next project. Most of all, there will be many, many swishy sundresses and effortless, unobtrusive breastfeeding everywhere we go. Right? Right! (If you think otherwise, please don't burst my bubble yet. I'm sure reality will set in soon enough.)

I always do better if I set a goal and declare it publicly, so here is my proclamation for the Great Summer of Maternity Leave:

WHEREAS, I will be without cash flow but not without inspiration or time;

WHEREAS, I will have the freedom to wear whatever I damn well please, be it sweatpants, muu-muus, or sundresses and big floppy hats;

WHEREAS, I haven't actually sewn anything since the Swimuit Experiment last summer;

WHEREAS, I have a massive stash of cotton fabrics and notions in many colors, prints, and weights;

WHEREAS, I have dozens of patterns I have not yet sewn up;

WHEREAS, I enjoy the challenge of modifying patterns to suit my form as well as my function (i.e. breastfeeding);

NOW THEREFORE, be it resolved that this will be The Summer of Fun Dresses - most of which will accommodate breastfeeding in public.

There will be bold prints and happy colors! There will be swishy skirts, worn with and without The Fluffer! There will be ingenious hidden snaps and modified bodices! There will be soft linings made of cool cotton batiste! There will be border prints! (There might also be a really cool picnic blanket project with oilcloth/tablecloth fabric on one side and sturdy cotton on the other side, and a couple of snazzy diaper bags.)

So far, my late night thoughts have resulted in do-able ideas for each of these patterns:

But first I have to finish the curtains for the nursery. Stay tuned for details!